We’ve all experienced it. Bad sex. Going on the first date getting worked up by your potential bedroom partner’s cute laugh or sexy legs, and then when it finally comes time to follow up that attraction sex is a complete let down. What gives? How can insane compatibility emotionally and mentally lead to less than desirable sex? What about people who spend years together because they love each other but can never quite get it together in the bedroom? The answer to these questions is more complicated than you might thing.
When Bad Sex Doesn’t Equal a Bad Relationship
Let’s start by clarifying that sexual chemistry and mental chemistry are not the same thing. Sexologists will tell you that the mind and body are not necessarily in synch with one another, and when compatibility doesn’t match on all levels the result could be bad sex. Generally, bad sex is easily identifiable as sex that does not light you up or that doesn’t fulfill your sexual desires. Many couples who are together for years experience a bout of bad sex or even a dry spell, but consistently bad sex is more troubling for relationships.
It is important to point out that bad sex does not mean you are in a bad relationship. However, lining up on every level is critical for long-term happiness. If your partner fulfills your emotional and mental needs then throwing away the relationship because of bad sex is probably a bad idea. Of course, an unfulfilling sexual relationship could lead you to wonder towards other individuals which in turn will damage your relationship. So how can you find a balance?
Finding a Balance and Facing the Problem
As men, it seems easier to simply jump ship than to face the problem head on, but if you truly care about your partner the best way to handle bad sex is to address the issue. Open communication can help you remedy the situation.
Tell your partner what you want in a tactful manner. For example, if you’d like to incorporate a few new moves, role-playing, or sex toys talk to your partner about it. Let her know that you’d like to start experimenting it in the bedroom and get a feel for what she wants. If she responds negatively or shuts the conversation down immediately, then you might be in a bad relationship with the wrong person. But if you are open and honest you may end up with a positive response, the only way to find out is by asking.
Don’t write off your amazing partner because of bad sex. Give communication a shot. You might be surprised at the results.