It’s possible that the only thing tougher in romance than getting over a bad relationship is not letting a bad relationship affect the next one. Two things happen when we realize we’ve made a terrible mistake. First, we always promise ourselves to learn from it and never make the same mistake again. Second, we withdraw and put our guard up, even if it is done unwittingly. That’s the part that makes our next relationship more complicated than it needs to be. So how can you let go and trust again? Here are some tips to drop the baggage and move on.
First of all, recognize that you are probably not alone. In fact, the woman you are going to date next is likely carrying around even more emotional baggage than you. Women often spend more time dwelling on past experiences and are frequently emotional. It’s okay to have your guard up a little as long as you expect to face the same thing yourself.
Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that all women are exactly the same. If you found out that your ex was a little crazy, it doesn’t mean that all women are. If your ex cheated, it doesn’t mean that all women will cheat. Try not to compare. You can be wary without expecting the worst. We often find whatever we expect to, so try to keep a positive outlook.
By looking back, you can probably recognize some of the signs that should have proved to be a warning for you. Armed with that knowledge, you can relax a little and enjoy your next relationship. After all, there’s no reason to panic if you haven’t seen any of those signs yet. Obviously, you don’t want to go completely in the other direction and ignore red flags. But now you can discuss potential problems before they become worse.
Don’t get suckered just for the sake of being a nice guy. If you have a bad feeling about a new relationship, there’s nothing wrong with cutting it short. But give each person the benefit of the doubt. If things seem good, assume they will stay that way. If you are both happy, there’s no need to hold back.
Also, you should remember what was good, even from a bad relationship. This will give you positive things to look for in your future endeavors. Knowing what you need, and what you can’t deal with, will help make you a better boyfriend.