Amateur sex tapes aren’t all they’re cracked up to be… especially if it’s just for your own private collection. We get the need to be immortalized, but geez, go out and sponsor a little league team or something. Look, we’re not trying to criticize you specifically, but let’s be honest about what most homemade sex videos are – a lot of guy butt. Sure, you go into it thinking about videotaping the next great American adult movie, but in reality, you don’t have the lighting, make-up, editing equipment, or film crew to make that happen. You’re going to catch yourself (and your partner) at the worst-possible angles, making the un-sexiest expressions, doing the least-smooth transitions, and saying the absolute stupidest things. And you’ll be immortalizing it on tape, digital file or DVD. Sounds awesome! A better bet… get all the sexy and naughtiness without all the shame by immediately deleting the file, or trashing the DVD or tape. It’s better this way, trust us.
Still, if the allure of videotaping is just too difficult to resist, allow us to give you three commandments regarding the procedure…
1. Thou shalt not distribute said video to anyone, ever. Ask anyone from Tommy Lee to Bret Favre how well that turned out for them.
2. Thou shalt not film someone without their consent. That’s just wrong, dude. Seriously.
3. Thou shalt not engage in what we call post-game analysis. In fact, fast forward past anything involving yourself as the star and focus on the bits of sexy featuring your partner. Unless they’ve been directed to do so by a therapist of some sort. Anyone using video to critique and improve their sexual performance should have their head examined.