Working up the nerve to ask a woman out and getting a positive response may seem like half the battle. But unfortunately, for the unprepared, the real challenge has just begun. Many a guy has thought a first date went really well, only to be inexplicably rejected when he asks for a second date. Take note fellas: it could be you! We’ve taken note of five common first date mistakes that can lower your chances of ever seeing her again.
Talking about ex-girlfriends
Exes are a sensitive and even dangerous topic. Steer clear. The inner workings, wounds, and eventual demise of a past relationship are a bonding experience months into a relationship, but a lot to lay on a gal on a first date. Also, making inadvertent disparaging remarks about your ex can make your date feel insecure—is he really over her?—uncomfortable—is this how he’ll talk about me if we break up?– or even insulted—hey, I talk a lot too; maybe he won’t like me either. It can also make you look spiteful and petty.
Dressing or grooming yourself inappropriately
We’ve mentioned this before, but we can’t stress it enough. Women take note of everything from how closely you shave to your shoelaces. For them, this attention to detail is a subtle form of information-gathering—an assessment of your general attitude about life, how you feel about yourself, and the level of respect you have for them. Make an effort to look good. The good news: if you’re charming, witty and genuine enough, this particular faux pas doesn’t always spell doom. Though they may make initial judgments based on appearance, women are not all that hung up on the superficial, and they may just give you another chance. Just don’t combine this mistake with anything else on this list.
Choosing the wrong venue
Talk to your date about what she likes to do before choosing where to take her. For example, ask whether she likes roller coasters and indulging her inner child before you take her to an amusement park and find out she has severe motion sickness and an aversion to crowds. Choose a place that’s comfortable, suitable for conversation, falls into the range of her interests, and is casual but classy (your favorite dive bar is a definite no on a first date).
A first date is not a type of captive audience. Avoid rambling about your whole life history, or pontificating endlessly about how much you’d love to be married and have kids someday. You can express the idea that you’re a serious-minded family man without your date wondering if she’s going to have to reject a marriage proposal by evening’s end. Be subtle and concise, and answer her questions honestly and thoughtfully. Otherwise work on making the evening about her.
Being too cautious/ too shy
Oversharing is bad. But playing things too close to the vest is equally damning. A woman likes a challenge, for sure, but she needs have something to work with. If you’re too quiet, too difficult to figure out, too uninteresting, or seem too aloof, she will lose interest quick. Also, if you can’t seem to figure out what questions to ask her, or you don’t have a thoughtful response to anything she says, she will assume you’re uninterested. You made it this far; crack that shell open just a little and let her in. Otherwise, she’ll almost certainly pass on a second date.