They’re just pictures… right? Pictures of adult women that chose to take their clothes off and pose nude for a magazine they knew millions of people would see. You don’t actually know or socialize with those women. You’re not asking your girlfriend or wife to get plastic surgery to look like them. So why on Earth is she so freakin upset about pornography?
It’s easy to chalk it up to insecurity when women get their dander up over a little bit of porn. Surely, if she felt secure enough in her own beauty (which you can clearly see), she wouldn’t care so much about these women obviously made up and airbrushed in magazines. Hate to ruin that fantasy for you, but that’s true of maybe about 10% of the women who have an issue with porn. Yes, if you’re running around the house like Billy Madison shouting Nudie Magazine Day every time Playboy arrives in the mail and you didn’t even get your girl a card for her birthday, it’s probably a good sign you’re taking the real-live lady in your life for granted… and she’d have every reason to feel at least a bit insecure.
What we’re talking about is women who have much deeper issues with pornography or your specific use of it. Fact of the matter is there are men out there who actually have (no lie) an addiction to porn. They’ll obsessively collect magazines, videos, whatever they can get their hands on to such an extent that they form emotional, psychological connections with it. Sometimes, these men will have such an attachment to porn that they forego forming relationships with real women or are unable to become aroused or climax unless porn is in some way involved. Any woman that gets upset over that is not insecure in our book – they’re walking away from a toxic situation just as any person would from someone addicted to alcohol or drugs. Sex Addicts Anonymous and Porn Addicts Anonymous are both good resources if you feel you are on the verge or are fully in the grips of an addiction.
For other women, the problem lies in the way men “use” pornography. Rather than talking to a willing partner about things they’d like to try in the bedroom, some men will retreat to a “quiet place” with their favorite mag or vid and work out the fantasy to completion… solo. Again, it’s not a healthy place to take a relationship. Trust breaks down, and, by extension, so does the necessary sexual component of a strong relationship. If your girl is hinting in this direction, try a little openness.
Still, other women believe porn, in and of itself, is evil. Either through a religious upbringing or a conviction that women are constantly objectified in our society, these ladies feel porn is beneath them and the men they choose to date. First off, you have to respect her opinion; not necessarily agree with it, but respect that she does have a valid point of view. From there, you can discuss as a couple what you feel porn brings to your life, whether it’s something you can do without, whether there are concessions she needs to make, or whether it’s something you can integrate into your relationship as a couple.
Final word: It’s only cheating if you feel the need to be dishonest about it. Like anything else in your relationship from other women to sneaking fatty foods, if you don’t think you can be upfront with your partner about your desires then there are bigger issues to be resolved than any one moral offense.