Rules about sexting that nobody told you anything about!

Mastering the art of sexting

If you are in a relationship, actively dating, on a prowl, or haven't been living under the rock, listen up! You must be familiar with the term ‘sexting’. It’s here and everyone is doing it. Sexting is an inevitable after-effect of the digital world and is a common practice among most daters. It is a virtual sharing of an intimate conversation between two consensual adults. No doubt it is fun and can keep things fresh in a relationship. Especially, if you are in a long-distance relationship. However, it can also go horribly wrong.

Sexting is a thin line on which one treads on and has to be handled with caution. If you are struggling to maneuver the bumpy road of dating and sexting, we have your back. Let us go through specific rules to abide by when you are sexting. It is not that hard to follow and is indeed something which will keep you from making any inappropriate moves.

Sexting 101

Gauge your partner’s comfort level: It is all about the vibe

Let your partner be comfortable

There is no surprise that everybody has a different definition of ‘hooking up,’ and so is the case with sexting. Does your definition match with your partner’s? If you are yet to have in-person contact it is imperative to ensure that your intensity and intentions are matched with your partners.  It is okay to ask your partner what is their comfort level and expectation, don't be afraid to bring it up. Before you start stirring the conversation to a particular direction, be sure that this is what your partner is in too. There must be no ambiguity in the air. Being direct never hurts. Don't just assume that they are equally excited and double check before you make a move.

Compliments and encouragements go a long way

Compliment your partner to heighten the mood

Sexting is a tricky practice, as you and your partner are baring your insecurities and desires to one another. So encouragements and compliments can help in smoothing out any awkward moments and help your partner feel more confident. No doubt it's just words, pictures, and imagination, but a little enthusiasm can make it a little more pleasurable. It lets them know that they are wanted and being desired and it makes a huge difference as a result. The truth is, texting is awkward in general. Getting a boost of self esteem from the partner can make things move a lot easier.

Don't be discouraged if you don't get the desired reaction.

Young man discouraged by reading a text message

Since there is a lot of vulnerability involved, it is very easy to find it disappointing. Everyone communicates differently, and the tonality might be not clear in texts. Therefore, don't let it let you down if you don't get the desired result. It is by no means a validation to how you were. If the reaction is not great, don't be afraid to revisit the sexts. Discuss what worked and which part just did not. Also, consider the fact. The other person might just be self-conscious and not confident enough to tell their real feelings.

Don't take the silence or a dampening ‘that was good’ to be a certificate of how you did. They might be upset, not in the mood, or just not quick on their feet with their response. The truth remains that you weren't really there, so it is easy to get lost in translation. If you don't see them jumping for joy as a reaction, it's okay. That might not be their personality or they might be shy and don't want to seem to overjoyed.

Don’t spam them with unprecedented ‘intimate’ pictures

Don't spam with your intimate pictures

To put it gently, nobody wants to see your genitals. Especially when it has no relevance to the rest of your conversation. You can't just throw an unprecedented dick pic as an unassuming person and expect a round of applause. Of course, if it is requested or talked about and gradually escalated to exchanging pictures, sure, why not! But not when it is followed by ‘Hi’ and ‘What are your hobbies’. Just saying. You will be ghosted real quick! However, it is only okay to send a personal picture if you are already in the middle of the sexting and the situation demands calls for it. In fact, you don't want to assume and offend anyone with something they don’t want to see. It is embarrassing for the both of you and will take awhile to bounce back from.

Don’t sext on the dating app.

Avoid sexting on dating apps

It is generally a protocol that you must have graduated past the initial small talk and get to know each other part before you sext. Just think, if you are confident enough to share your number yet, are you sure you want to have intimate conversations? I mean, to each their own, but sexting is best as a non-app communication. This way there is at least a minimum degree of mutual trust. It is best if you first get to know each other a little bit. Later you can gradually move to a private phone number. After that, you can start getting busy.

The way dating and sex used to look like a decade back is much different from how it is now. Earlier it used to be a series of events which occurred after each other. However, there is no succession or a hierarchy anymore. In fact, the acceptable norms are very confusing for a novice to recognize. There is no doubt that the protocols of dating and sex have changed majorly in the last few decades. The lines are blurry and crossed and redefined all the time.

The only rule here is to be on the same page as your partner. When in doubt, err on the side of caution and do not do anything which will disrespect one another. It's better to be conservative than a big perv, remember consent and respect are the main keywords here. Sexting is a great tool to keep the sparks flying. However, it requires doing it in a way which will mess everything up for when you really get down in person.

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